The Chillustrious Miss Goods

Lucky Me (Work in Progress)

2010-07-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

Lucky Me

Lucky me to have found
That one true guy that makes me sound
Better than them gushy girls you wanna choke
They complain bout life, bout men, bein broke

Cuz I found that guy whose my friend
The only one who'll hug me then
Scold me for not being strong
Remind me to keep going on
With my life, with my love,
With my works, with the stage.
I'll hear his tender voice
say strong words to engage
Me in thoughts and in my words
In what i have done
And in what I am going to do
I don't need a pedestal to know that I'm good
I have someone like him
A true friend who understood
What it's like to live long days
To stand alone while they all gaze
Waiting for that next action to come
To see if I'll fail, succeed or succumb
And let the pressure of life unfurl
Or become like my turtle and bear the weight of his world.

And yet he's my opposite, my compliment
He is the night; I am the day
The only one to call me sunshine, yet
Keep me in darkness away
From all that he holds deep.
He's the code to my design
And the strength that I lack
The reason to my nonsense
The glue when I crack
I'm the editor to his letters
I'm gentle when he's tough
I talk when he's quiet
And smile when time's rough.

How lucky am I to have a man like him
How many times has he saved me from my grim
Darkness and put me back in the light
Gave me time to breathe, get back up and fight
If he could just put his guard down long enough to know
To finally let me in so I can show this time
That I'm the Bonnie to his Clyde
We're beyond best friends, we're the truest partners in crime.

I am the one in a million
He's the million to one.

Stepping Away

2010-02-14T23:43:00.000-08:00

I always say Love is the way...I can only show that person how I feel, but without reciprocation I am only that...a show. Always and forever an entertainer emitting my emotions through thoughts, words and movements only to feed off it from my audience. How is it, then, that the audience of choice chooses not to watch? Is that what entices me to push forth? To go beyond my norm and grow beyond the boundaries in hopes to reach what I need?

Stepping away from personal matters of my heart, my life as a dance teacher has been a good experience for me. I've been a teacher for a while now and it has allowed me to grow so much as a person. Teaching has given me the gift of patience, understanding, compassion and empathy. I want every one of my students to excel and want a level of skill that breaks beyond and surpasses my own. To watch my students master a dance motion, or smile when they finally executed a move that they've struggled with gives me a satisfaction that has no definition.

Amongst all that, I still fear that I am burned out in life. Its been too long that I have gone without my motivation. I know what the next steps are, but I cannot find my light to show me the way. If I live by what I believe-that love is the way-I cannot see it.

My ONE Word

2010-02-10T15:41:00.000-08:00

To have but just one word to tell him.
To assure him and to comfort him
So he'll know I'll always be there amongst the grim
Times that he lives;
Amongst the burden difficulty gives
With or without the luxuries
Of sleep and endless possibilities.

To have that one word to put him at ease
So he'll never second guess my intentions and need to appease
Because that is how I am and
That is how I was raised.
To be a strong woman who could not be phased
Away from my beliefs, my values and
My need for tradition, culture and family.
To be known as a woman of true talent instead of my exotic vanities.

What that one word could do
If it fell upon my lips
Into his ears and in his heart
To melt the ice and break apart
The stones of his walls
That made him feel indestructible and strong
But I knew all along that you are just trying to hide
I knew all along that you are hurting inside.

What can I say to make you believe
That it's okay to be vulnerable with me
And share your hardships and sorrows
So you will never feel lonely.
I'm not worried about me, I know what to do.
Because of that one word,
I am a strong woman and I will stand behind you.

To know that one word that I've always wanted to say
And tell you how I feel without scaring you away.
You may not want to share your burdens
You may not want to show your pain
And even though you're not ready for me to say it
I will always be here to SHOW you that LOVE is the way.

LOVE is always the way, Honu. There is no better way I can say it.

My Honu

2010-02-08T06:48:00.000-08:00

The turtle moves slowly because he carries the World on his shoulders. Bearing such a burden keeps him grounded and although he wishes to be amongst the birds in the sky, the responsibilities laid upon him will always be there to keep him from floating in the clouds...

...that was a story I was told when I was young.

Shooting Star

2009-11-27T16:24:00.000-08:00

I spend quality time with family yesterday for Thanksgiving. It was cold outside and we were sharing stories and great memories when I saw a shooting star.

It was the first time I've seen anything like that and I was just amazed and happy to have had that moment. They quickly told me to make and wish. It didn't even take me one second to think. I know what I want... what I truly want.

So, as I wished upon that shooting star I wished for...

Day After Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T15:41:00.000-08:00

I finally mustered up enough will power and care to clean. Not that I choose to mope around, but there's just something about my inner-self that just hasn't been right, lately. What am I missing? It's easy for me to be down. Once again am I broken hearted, but on top of that my family is a 12 hour flight away and although my sister is here, she is with her significant. A pair with a third wheel? I will never be a third wheel... A tricycle is a kids toy. So, I roll solo.

I don't like being alone. I tend to find myself in situations that have the potential to be dangerous. How is a girl like me have the guts to do and go places alone, late at night. Yes, the troubles that pop into your mind, I have lived...well, thank God not all of them... or else I'd be on the news. *Knock on Wood*

I'm lacking motivation. I am a candle that burns with little wax left, therefore, I am just a flickering light waiting to be revived by my fire. I just cannot find my flame.

Peace Homie

2009-11-20T19:49:00.000-08:00

To generalize me with all females would be easy to say
Yes I am emotional, vain and moody today
But it wasn't me who put you through the strain
Of being a single father and deal with baby mama pain.
It wasn't me you had a secret affair with
I wasn't the other woman or your quick fix
Nor was I your first love, so why generalize me
If I was never any of the above?
I was the one who became your good friend
The one you laughed and joked with when
We were the only two who understood our strife
Our imperfections and our way of life.

and then...

I was the one that held you that night
In your bed, in your arms, with your pain in my sight
When you told me you were lonely
But you werent. I said you had me.
Since then I would always picture your face
That night sleepin at peace as I enjoyed your embrace
After that moment I had dreaded
That our friendship could be headed
Down a dangerous path.
I knew we would share much more pain, laughs and insecurities
And share many more sleepless nights with endless opportunities
But I knew what I wanted and you knew what you would do
If I had disregarded my belief and gave my all to you.

and now...

A year has passed since I put my beliefs aside
And our friendship has weakend with a bigger divide
Between us both than ever before
I knew exactly a year ago what was in store
When you had called me after I drove away
When you had asked me once again if I had wanted to stay
I turned around because deep down I wanted it too
But you wanted me for my body. All I ever wanted was YOU!!!

It is sad that you cant fathom love from me:
The unconditional kind, that is innocent and always forgiving

I wear your scars from head to toe
And I will still be here for you even so.
I switch cheeeks like you switch women
I will still be here for you even then.
Why? Because even though you keep it inside
I know the man, your best self, that you hide
The reason we had so many HAPPY times
It was YOU who kept your cool when I was rash and acted without patience
It was YOU who taught me about life when, to me, it just didn't make sense
It was YOU who gave me a voice when I couldn't breathe
And most of all...
It was YOU who kept me free of grief and lonliness when my family left me

For TRULY being there, when I TRULY needed you the most
I will always know you for your best, and always want you close
Never will I ever forget... Never... No matter what you've told me
Whatever you did, past, present or future
Whether you are good or bad, you will ALWAYS be my homie.

To My Homie from Your Homie,

Miss Goods
*hugs and kisses*

Introduction to Me

2009-05-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

Hi!

This is my first post. I guess I'm just trying to find new avenues to express myself...what better way than an online diary lol. I have two notebook diaries filled from cover to cover and a folder in my laptop full of video diary entries... I must have loads on my mind.

To unload my thoughts is like taking weight off my shoulders. My mind is less heavy and therefore, so is my heart. So let the unloading begin...